confusing existential musing
July 13, 2011, 1:22 am
Filed under: Behavior, Mind, Uncategorized

Memories stand vivid in my mind. So clear was the following moment in passing that my brain still retains that clarity. The first day I started thinking about philosophy in life I was six years old and I was walking my feet up my bedroom wall, my back squished against the blue carpet. I was talking to my best kindergarten friend about the meaning of life, about how fleeting it was and all the possibilities that lay between birth and death. I was talking about existentialism – this heavy reality of personal responsibility to give one’s life meaning and living it sincerely in spite of obstacles like despair, angst, absurdity, alienation and boredom. There will always be a series of existential obstacles to knock us down or to pull us from a certain path. There is no way we can control those circumstances. Our entire environment is out of our own personal control, we organize only a small piece of it. Some of us get a larger share and even greater responsibility. We’re all bound to miss the mark at some point. We are bound to fall, err or disappoint others and even ourselves. But owning our successes and our failures, owning our feelings and owning our lives helps us wake up to the reality of that human imperfection in us that truly dwells in everyone. We are so complex, so inventive, so teeming with ingenuity and beauty that our darkness, intolerance, sin, hate and evil seem too hard to accept. We refuse to see it in others sometimes and it is even harder to recognize in ourselves. But it’s all there, at least the potential for all these things is there.

Just think about all the great people that have lived. Really, just think about it. What were they thinking? What were they doing? Most people thought they were “crazy” or mentally ill, and perhaps some were legitamently so (van Gogh.) All these people…


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